Reawakened

So, I’m going to be honest for a second. I’ve been in a bit of a slump when it comes to writing.

It happens. It’s not an unusual phenomenon for writers and other creative folk. Except this time, none of my go-to methods for sparking inspiration have worked. I sit down to write and… nothing happens. I plan out the time to write, and… nada. I saw a great movie, came home and… nope. I felt like I was trying to force myself, and any time I sat down at my laptop, my brain became mired in fog. The crap weather is certainly a contributing factor, because winter is terrible for my mood, but it seems the well of inspiration has frozen over, and I couldn’t make it thaw.

I needed a “eureka!” moment, to crack the ice and make my fingers feel like typing again, to make the wheels in my brain churn out some new, fresh ideas. Nothing seemed to work, until a package arrived at my doorstep on Tuesday – an item that I pre-ordered four years ago. The much awaited PS4 game known as Kingdom Hearts III, which I previously spoke about in this post. The end of an era had arrived by post, and I immediately popped it in and sat down to play as snow softly fell to the ground outside.

And… “Eureka!”

20190129_144122.jpgAs soon as the opening cinematics played, I felt my chest swell with excitement, and the negative cloud in my brain evaporated. The music, the characters, the incredible graphics, the smooth game-play, the whimsy of Disney magic melded with the fantasy of Square Enix, all combined into one thrilling nostalgia bomb that overwhelmed my senses. Needless to say, I’ve logged 23 hours in 3 days. I’m well into the game, and absolutely loving it so far – which is big, considering I was very skeptical of the decision to include Pixar worlds. But, I must admit… KH is close to my heart, so it’s no surprise I was drawn in immediately.

And maybe that was all it took. I feel the itch to write again, and new ideas trickle through my head while I’m playing. Of course, I’ve been too busy plowing through Heartless, Nobodies, and Unversed to actually flesh those new ideas out, but, at the very least, I’ve been able to make note of them to come back to when the game is done. Which, at the rate I’m going, will be soon. But the gears are churning, and I don’t stare at my Word documents with dread anymore, so all I needed was a little help from Sora and co.

Anyone else ever had an “Aha!” or “Eureka!” moment after a long creative drought? I’d love to hear about other instances of reawakened inspiration from fellow writers, or other creative minds!

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Thumbs

We all have flaws. I am a flawed being, and, though I consider myself relatively good at admitting to and aspiring to mend my flaws, there are some I cannot change because they are a part of me. I am, of course, talking about my thumbs.

I am the unfortunate bearer of what some may call “toe thumbs.” I actually didn’t notice that my thumbs were different until my sister, best friend, and I were putting on fake nails as kids, and none would fit over my thumb nails. And, to make matters worse, my thumbs aren’t even the same size as each other, and one has a scar from an unfortunate incident with a fixture at work.

Here they are, for reference:

20190110_142355.jpg
GASP. The horror.

Awful, right? I mean, as far as flaws go, it’s not as disastrous as, say, a debilitating disease. But they aren’t a selling point, either.

Y’all normal-thumbed people take it for granted. Literally every single time I attempt to type “thanks” on my phone I accidentally type “thabks.” EVERY TIME. And it’s all thabks to my stupid thumbs. And you’d think having abnormally shaped thumbs would be a boon for video gaming, but more often than not, it’s a hindrance, unless I need to press two buttons at once. Giving folks a “thumbs up” always looks slightly off. I’d never make it as a hitchhiker. Touch screens are the devil. My hands, in general, are exceptionally clumsy, and I chalk it up to my awkward thumbs.

I was teased for my thumbs as a child, to the point where some fellow kids gave me the ever-so-creative nickname of “Thumbs.” I was also teased for my horrible crooked teeth, which, after several years of ruthless orthodontia, have been completely fixed. Alas, my thumbs will never change, and, after years of hating them, I have accepted that they’re with me for the long haul. Occasionally, someone will ask me about them, but I can usually shrug it off.

I’m not a fan of them (as you can tell) but they are a flaw that has become a part of me. A small, toe-shaped part of me, that still more or less help me in all the ways thumbs are supposed to. I can’t bemoan them forever or waste time wishing that they were different, because they won’t change. I just have to accept them as they are and forge ahead, texting typos and gaming flubs aside.

They are only a hurdle if I let them be a hurdle. You have flaws, too – some you can probably change, and some you cannot. But they will only hinder you if you allow it.

Guilty

When the well of inspiration runs dry, there are a few methods that I utilize to get myself back on track. I have mentioned a few in previous posts, but I must admit, I have one trick that also counts as a “guilty pleasure” of sorts…

When I get stuck, and the creative juices simply won’t flow, I turn to someone named Taylor. Of course, I mean Taylor Swift. And not “Look What You Made Me Do,” T-Swift. I mean old-school, with a few 1989 selections sprinkled in thereAs someone who is more of an indie/folk/punk/rock person, who also dabbles in film/video game OSTs and Asian pop music, Taylor Swift is not someone you would expect to find on my playlist. It doesn’t jive with the image I project, let’s say.

But there’s something about her old music that gets me. “Enchanted” is probably my all-time favorite, but I’m also partial to “Red” and “Forever and Always.” The lyrics are simple, but strong and thoughtful. The melodies are catchy and assist in carrying the message of each song. They’re good songs. And for some reason, they connect with my psyche enough to give me a boost when I need inspiration.

When my standard lineup of MCR, Mumford & Sons, Bear’s Den, First Aid Kit, Aurora, etc, fails, I turn to my friend Taylor. Even though this method fits the description of a “guilty pleasure,” who am I to care? As long as it works, old-school T-Swift shall remain a beacon of motivation in my iTunes.

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If you’re in need of a new read, check out my YA novel, I’m With You! The ebook is only $1.99 or (£1.55) and paperback is $9.99 (£7.99) on Amazon Amazon UK. Nook book is also $1.99 and paperback is $9.99 on BN.com.

Current Tunes #4

Judah and the LionSuit and Jacket
One of my local radio stations has recently gone from mainstream pop to alternative and indie rock, and this great song is one discovery I’ve made thus far. The whole theme of not “trading my youth for no suit and jacket” while still grappling with matters of identity and purpose is an evocative one, and this song also has a really great tune and strength behind it. It gets stuck in my head a lot recently, but I don’t even mind.

EchosGold
Echos has a subtle electric sound meshed with ethereal vocals, which offers an interesting listening experience. It makes me think of fantasy and fairy-tales – two of my favorite things! To me, it sounds like a song that’s about looking for answers, whether in someone else, in ourselves, or in a new home. And it’s super catchy!

Cold War KidsFirst
This song has an “anthem” sort of sound to it – it makes it feel like the sort of song you would sing before embarking on a long march, or engaging in battle, or resolving to accomplish some long sought-after goal. It also has visually-inspiring and poetic lyrics, such as “heavy as a feather when you hit the dirt,” which summons such a powerful mental image. I’m only upset that I didn’t discover this song sooner!

Luke Sital-SinghDark
This is a quieter, semi-depressing song with a beautiful sound, even though the lyrics lean in the direction of “sad.” Sometimes, though, it’s good to listen to music that isn’t necessarily “happy” in a traditonal sense. And if you’re going to listen to sad music, it should at least sound lovely and perhaps provide some sort of comfort, and this song absolutely does.

BastilleWorld Gone Mad
I’ve loved Bastille since the release of “Pompeii”, which I still listen to whenever it comes on the radio, and this song is one of my new faves. These days, it does feel like we live in a “world gone mad,” but music like this – so beautiful and packed with passion and meaning – gives me hope that creativity can still flourish in spite of sorrow or misfortune.

AuroraHalf The World Away
She has such a lovely and compelling sound, I’ve added a ton of her music to my current playlist and this track is a standout. Her lyrics are so evocative and she utilizes unique word choices, such as “I’m still scratching around in the same old hole, my body feels young but my mind is very old.” In a world of music that is inundated with generic pop (nothing wrong with mainstream pop, I’m just saying) Aurora presents a fresh voice that I’m eager to hear more of in the future.

Beth CrowleyEyes Wide Open
I just love, love, love her music. Literally every single song – it makes me want to read the books she writes her songs about if I haven’t already. She does a marvelous job of capturing what certain characters seem to be feeling, or how certain relationships and events are portrayed, and gives new layers to existing stories. Even if I haven’t read the books she’s singing about, I usually find a way to connect her songs to something I’ve read or experienced. This one has a nice edge to it and a great melody. If you love YA books, check out her Youtube channel and give her music a listen!

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If you’re in need of a new read, check out my YA novel, I’m With You! The ebook is only $1.99 or (£1.55) and paperback is $9.99 (£7.99) on Amazon Amazon UK.  Nook book is also $1.99 and paperback is $9.99 on BN.com.

The Dolphin Statue

Every day, on my way to work, I pass a house with a dolphin statue featured proudly in the front yard.

It’s a curious thing. I’m pretty sure it’s made of wood. It’s cute, and the dolphin looks friendly.

But most of the time, when I glance out the window at it as I drive past, I can’t help but wonder, “….Why?”

I mean, it’s not a conventional choice for a lawn decoration. It’s no garden gnome, or one of those goose statues, or one of those fake deer used for archery practice that I constantly think are real. But how did the person who lives in that house come to own such a curious thing?

Is the person a hero to porpoises, and he was gifted the statue for some commendable deed?

Did the person receive it as an unusual present, and, unsure of where to put it, just stuck it in the front yard for passersby to admire?

Is the owner a carpenter of some kind, and the dolphin is a work they are especially proud of, so they put it on display?

Or… does the person just really like dolphins?

I may never have the answers to these questions, and that’s okay. Though, really, I am very curious to know the origins of the dolphin statue.

But even if I’ll never know, it gives me reason to wonder. And when I find things to wonder about – to theorize endlessly on the countless possibilities – I know that it’s still possible to find inspiration, even in such little things, and great stories can come from simple curiosities.

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If you’re in need of a new read, check out my YA novel, I’m With You! The ebook is only $1.99 or (£1.55) and paperback is $9.99 (£7.99) on Amazon Amazon UK.  Paperback is also $9.99 on BN.com.

 

Pancakes

For a very long time – like, half of my life – I hated pancakes.

I refused to eat them, even at the annual pancake dinner fundraiser held at my church. The very thought of them – and their fluffy, syrupy goodness – made me feel nauseous. Same goes for waffles and any other similar breakfast foods. I straight-up hated them and wouldn’t touch them with a four-pronged fork. Because those are the only legitimate forks, by the way. Don’t come at me with that three-pronged fork nonsense. Four-prong all the way.

Truth be told, I’m not sure where my pancake hatred began, or what the impetus was. I just know that up until a few years ago, the word “pancake” equated to “EW,” in my brain, so I always skipped over them on diner menus and whenever they were offered up as a breakfast option at a sleepover or something.

Then, one fateful day when I was in my late teens, I somehow ended up at an IHOP. And, of course, you can’t not order pancakes at IHOP. It’s the International House of Pancakes, for crying out loud. I mean, it’s not like it’s the NHOP, or National House of Pancakes. It is a force not restricted by national borders – you cannot forsake the cake at an IHOP, end of story.

So I ordered the most generic pancakes available on the menu and figured I could just slather them with syrup, suck it up, and suffer through it. But when they arrived at the table, an odd thing happened. My nose twitched, enticed by the sweet scent of maple. And my mouth began to water, instead of my mind blaring, “EW” over and over again like a siren. My stomach growled, too.

So, I took a hesitant bite. Then another, and another. And wouldn’t you know it?

As it turns out, I kind of like pancakes.

Now, I order them for breakfast all the time! I prefer the oat-bran variety, though, because I am secretly an old woman concerned about my digestive system. But I never would have known this if I hadn’t given pancakes a second chance. Inspired by my quick turnaround in opinion when it comes to pancakes, I have also tried to see if my opinion has changed on other foods, but alas, I still hate watermelon (all melons, actually), pears, squash, pretzels, and animal crackers, among others. But I have made an effort to give the things I once dismissed a fair chance to prove me wrong.

So, what’s the moral of this pancake-based tale, you might ask? Is it to always give those you have spurned a second chance?

In a way, yes. Pancakes deserved a shot at redemption in my eyes, to prove their worth to me. I granted them that chance, and they effectively reshaped my opinion, to the point where they are now one of my favorite breakfast foods.

However, people don’t always deserve a second chance. That would be ridiculous. It’s a case-by-case basis when it comes to human beings – sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. Some people deserve a chance to right a wrong or mend a bridge or whatever. You’re not obligated to give people a second chance if you don’t want to, though. Because people aren’t pancakes.

Always, always give pancakes a second chance.

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If you’re in need of a new read, or need something to spend your holiday money on, check out my YA novel, I’m With You! The ebook is only $1.99 or (£1.55) and paperback is $9.99 (£7.99) on Amazon Amazon UK.  Paperback is also $9.99 on BN.com.

Stress

Stress is my mortal enemy.

…Well, stress and woodpeckers, but the former occurs far more frequently than the latter.

I am always curious to know how others folks handle their stress, because I struggle with it and have yet to find a solution that sticks, especially now that I’ve more or less kicked my caffeine addiction (3 cups a day is my max, now) and can’t rely solely on coffee to soothe my nerves. I know coffee should have the reverse effect – for me, it’s more of a tranquilizer than a stimulant. It even makes me fall asleep.

I envy the “water off a duck’s back” kind of people, who don’t let negativity and pressure get to them – or, if it does, they are able to channel it in a productive manner or not show how badly it irks them. If I go into a day with a smile and good intentions, one stressful situation can throw me totally off-course. My fitbit often starts registering an accelerated heart-rate when my stress levels bubble up, and my natural expression is one of anger – I’m not even mad most of the time, but I assume it’s just my inner stress making itself known.

I guess those fidget spinner things that recently popped up are meant to help with that sort of thing; to assist with stress and anxiety. I tried it out, and let me tell you, it made me even more irritated. And when I see someone using one in public I feel the intense urge to slap it out of their hands. However, I used to carry a stress ball around in my purse and and it worked pretty well if I was on the go, especially while waiting in line at the grocery store or whenever I was forced to be in the presence of obnoxious children. Or adults. Recently, I’ve discovered shimmer pillows – and they are SO SOOTHING. I have no idea why or how it works, but I find them extremely calming.

Stress is a good thing sometimes, because it does, in a way, show dedication and perseverance. It shows that you care about doing a good job, or that you want a certain outcome and are bothered by the aspect of failure. But in large doses, it is a detriment – a productivity-killer. A blood-pressure raiser. Because in the throes of stress, it’s all to easy to plummet down the negativity slope and end up wallowing in a pit of frustration and despair, surrounded by “What ifs?” and worst-case scenarios.

I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to channel my stress and negativity into something productive or useful, and I’ve had some minimal success thus far. Stress often manifests itself into discouragement, for me – which, as a writer, is a total killer. But I’ve found that forcing myself to face my fears and confront the stress instead of hunkering down into a ball of blankets and waiting for it to pass, opening up a blank document and pounding out a free-write or some new chapters instead of throwing my hands up in failure, is the way to go. Stress is natural – I’ve faced the fact that I’ll never get rid of it entirely, because it’s just who I am. But I can learn to adapt and handle it better than I have in the past, and I’ve resolved to do just that.

And thus, I am curious – how do you handle stress?

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If you’re in need of a new read, check out my YA novel, I’m With You! The ebook is only $1.99 or (£1.55) and paperback is $9.99 (£7.99) on Amazon Amazon UK.  Paperback is also $9.99 on BN.com.

Current Tunes

For a bit of a smaller post this Friday, I thought I’d take a moment to list some of the songs that feature on my current playlist and have helped to boost my motivation lately.

Lauren AquilinaFools 
I only recently discovered this artist and am super bummed she doesn’t make music anymore (performing-wise, anyway), but I love all of the songs she has put out and appreciate all the thought that seems to have gone into them. Her lyrics are amazing and so incredibly evocative! And I think Fools is my favorite; it’s such a great song, though Oceans is a close second.

Beth CrowleyBattle Cry
I love all of her songs, and Midnight is my overall favorite, but Battle Cry is probably the one I’ve listened to the most over the last few weeks. The fact that she’s inspired by YA novels is such a cool concept to me, and even if I’m not familiar with some of the series she writes songs about, I find it easy to connect with and be inspired by her music.

I PrevailAlone
Back in high school, I was a dedicated follower of hard rock, but kind of fell off that wagon and onto a more indie/folk-based wagon, though I’ve maintained and kept up with a few staples. However, I’ve been getting caught up with some bands I’ve missed out on, and when I caught this song on the radio I was hooked. I love the sound and it’s helped reignite my appreciation for this type of music, so I look forward to re-exploring more of it.

Lady GagaMillion Reasons 
I love Gaga, and though nothing will EVER usurp Bad Romance in my eyes, Million Reasons is my favorite from her recent hits. It’s pretty clear in all of her songs that she really feels the music, which comes through in her performances. It’s a song that plucks at the heartstrings, and I never skip this one when it pops up on my shuffle.

NickelbackSong on Fire
I have always been a fan of Nickelback, and genuinely don’t understand the hate that they get. Song on Fire is a nice addition to their repertoire; it’s not as “hard” as some of their music tends to be, more in the vein of Photograph or Gotta Be Somebody. It’s got a nice message and is an overall pleasant listen.

AdnaNight
Adna has a unique, folksy sound that really makes her music stand out; I’ve only just recently stumbled upon her music and I’m super glad I did. Night is a pretty chill tune; kind of haunting, but very evocative.

WILDBack To You
Probably one of my favorite recent finds, I’ve just started following WILD but I love everything I’ve heard so far. Back To You is my favorite; it’s just a nice, catchy tune with an uplifting, folk sound, stellar vocals, and lyrics that flow. I eagerly anticipate new music from them in the future.

KarminaAll The King’s Horses
I enjoy music with a sort of “fantasy” type sound, and I had this song on repeat for at least a full day after I first heard it. The lyrics are great and it has a powerful, serious sound that helps provide some motivation while I’m writing, especially since my current project is in the fantasy vein.

ValleySoldier
After the first time I heard this song, it was stuck in my head for approximately 7 hours; and I didn’t even mind or get annoyed by it. It’s got an infectious tune and great lyrics, and it’s the kind of song that sounds “fun,” if you know what I’m saying.

Fall Out BoyThe Last of the Real Ones
I have clearly been living under a rock for the last few months because I had no idea that FOB had new music out until last week. And this song IS F*CKING GREAT. I’ve loved just about all of their discography ever since the beginning, but they’ve really been hitting it out of the park with their more recent albums, and this song is no different. LOVE IT, LOOK FORWARD TO MORE.

Worth 1000 Words #10: Reese

On a Wednesday night in 2007, I received a cryptic text message from my older sister while watching the latest episode of Lost. The message contained only one word.

Meow.

Some time later, I was dozing off on the couch when my sister returned home and deposited something furry onto my lap. I opened bleary eyes to see a small, mewling tortoise-shell kitten blinking at me.

That is how we came to own Reese. Technically, her full name is Reesie Lynn (my sister is to blame for that abomination of a moniker, we had exactly 0% input) but we have more or less only ever called her Reese. Sometimes, I call her Kit-Kat. Just to be contrary.

IMG_20170629_102725_202.jpgI think Cat People are Cat People for a reason. Cats are often thought of as fuzzy companions who don’t require constant attention; they’re adorable, not terribly messy, and can provide some warm, cuddly comfort on bad or rainy days. But Reese apparently has never read a single page of the “cat manual” because she doesn’t act like a standard cat at all; though Reese does provide ample fodder for my instagram, because she is cute, if nothing else. And if you think I can’t babble on and on about my cat for 1000 words, then think again!

Reese has never been much of a cuddle-buddy; the only time she ever feels like snuggling is at night, but only for about an hour before she gets bored, and she typically only solicits one person to cuddle with before departing back to the bowels of the basement so she can get the couch covered in fur. She loathes being picked up, and in order for us to trim her nails, I have to wait until she is asleep or groggy, then scoop her up when she is vulnerable – often, this results in being kicked in the chest/nose/throat when she inevitably rebels. She refuses to meet strangers, and I suspect some family members might not even know we have a cat, since she won’t show her face in the presence of visitors. My best friend house/cat-sits for us whenever we go away for any length of time, and during a 10 day absence, it took 4 days for Reese to be in the same room with her, and even then, she rubbed her head against my friend’s hand while hissing at her. So, claiming that Reese is fickle would be a drastic understatement. When I went away to college, it took several days during each school break to get her used to me again; I had to endure lots of dismissive tail swishing and scrambling away before she deemed me worthy of her good graces again.

She loves to sit outside on the enclosed patio and cackle at birds and bunnies, either because she wants to be their friend, or she wants to eat them, I’m not entirely sure. She greets me at the door every day when I get home from work or wherever, usually meowing her head off as she gets my black pants covered in her fur. I like to think that it’s because she misses me when I go away, but I’m fairly sure it’s because she’s just hungry. And boy, she’s perpetually hungry. She expects to be fed at around 5/6AM every morning, since there’s a couple of super early-risers in the family, so now, she’s accustomed to a schedule and there’s almost no chance of everyone being able to sleep in – not if Reese has anything to say about it. When she’s hungry, she is vocal. And then, even after breakfast, she expects snacks. Several of them. She also thinks she can trick us into feeding her more if she begs and whines at each person in the family, but fortunately, we are able to see through her ploys. It’s a wonder she isn’t shaped like a bowling ball with how much she tries to eat, though we’ve managed to regulate her diet well, despite her best efforts. Reese also loves to distract me while I’m trying to write; at the moment, she is sitting beside her food bowl and staring at me. She will not break me, though. I am steadfast – I can resist the food-mongering wiles of any cat, no matter how cute! Though, I must admit, she is especially “awwww”-worthy when she chases the laser-pointer around the living room.

A few months ago, I bought Reese a new bed; a nice quality one that I was able to snag at a great discount. Did she appreciate my generosity? NOPE, she actually prefers the comfort of a cardboard box, or a plastic bag laying on the floor. Her idea of a five star resort would be a kingdom of boxes and bags. We actually have fashioned a “cardboard apartment” of sorts for her to use, and she loves it. She’s a creature of simple comforts, I suppose… she did eventually warm up to her new bed, and it is now positioned on the floor beside my bed, so when she gets fed up with me, she has somewhere to escape to.

Reese is not a typical cat; but she’s my cat. She doesn’t like cuddles, but to be totally honest, neither do I, so it works out well. She’s an introvert, and can sometimes be downright obnoxious with her constant appealing for food, but she occasionally shows off her softer side. If I scratch behind her ears or she rolls over to let me pet her tummy, she might even deign to purr a bit, like a fuzzy motorboat. Sometimes, during her rare affectionate moments, she will rub against my legs, even when I’m trying to walk up the stairs… I refuse to believe it’s because she wants to trip me, though, sadly, that wouldn’t be much of a shock. I often suspect she’s the furry offspring of some feline version of Satan, but even if that’s true, she’s my furry offspring of Satan, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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