Writing Rewind #10: Wings of Fate Chapter 7 Part 1

Whoo boy, we’re getting into the thick of things now! Last time, Heiwa was feeling discouraged about the mission until he met a mysterious girl on the deck of the UNMEI. Determined to help her, Heiwa has the bright idea to hide the girl in his room for the remainder of the mission, but inspection day is looming, which means the secret probably won’t last for long…

Let’s examine Wings of Fate Chapter 7: The Mission Revealed!

KEY/GUIDE:
Strikethrough = cut out
Highlight = rephrase/reword/awk
Blue highlight = minor additions
DANGER RED HIGHLIGHT= massive cringe
Green highlight – switch/move

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Poor, poor Heiwa. Naturally, his plans have all gone to shit. But they don’t need to fall apart in such…wordy fashion. Time to take out the shears!

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Good lord, that sentence about Shirotaka in the closet is unbearable. “Brightly pigmented eyes” might be the most cringe-worthy phrase I’ve encountered in this piece thus far, which is saying a lot. Also, a lot can be chopped off and some other things can be reworked to improve the flow.

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Much slimmer, and it still gets the point across.

After the disastrous inspection, Shirotaka is whisked away and Heiwa gets sent to Sector One to meet with Major Tango, where he will presumably be assigned a punishment. But once he gets there, he encounters some trouble in the form of Major Leiter, who seems to be exactly as Daisuke described her. But when he asks for help, she doesn’t appear to be listening…

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Well. Major Leiter has quite a temper. And this passage has quite a few errors to fix!

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Major Leiter’s outburst and Heiwa’s shocked reaction don’t need to be so dense; it can be pared down and reworked to make it less clunky, while still giving insight into the type of person Major Leiter is.

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There – much cleaner! The interaction flows better and doesn’t have so much needless fluff. Honestly, I think half of this entire story is fluff… but regardless, let’s move on…

After his encounter with Major Leiter, a young woman offers to help Heiwa, but Major Tango is late meeting him and he starts to grow worried. Which means it’s time to shoe-horn in a surprise introduction!

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This is another interaction that doesn’t need to take freaking FOREVER TO GET THROUGH. I mean really. Really. Obviously, I intended the reveal of Tango’s identity to be a “super cool” moment, but when it drags on for ages, the moment loses some luster.

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UGH, THE CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS. Hair and eyes don’t need to be so DRAMATIC. Also, women as high-ranking officials shouldn’t be a shock anymore, so Heiwa’s reaction is a tad overblown, but I did write this as a high school freshman, so I’m giving myself some leniency here.

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There; the Tango reveal takes less time and some of the cringiness is gone forever, never to be seen again, while other bits have been reduced and spruced.

So, Major Tango takes Heiwa to his next destination… and do I catch the whiff of a romance subplot?

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WHY. DO. I. SPEND. SO. MUCH. TIME. DESCRIBING. MATTHIAS? WHYYYYYY????? *bangs head on desk* Seriously, he’s a cold dude – it’s obvious by now.  He’s basically the abominable snowman at this point, and we already have a pretty clear picture of his character, so it doesn’t need to be repeated OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

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So, there’s a lot of description to be removed here. And some general rephrasing, as well.

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So there we have it! Chapter 7 is a pretty dense one, so I’m halving it – this time, we get two new major characters, and next time, in Part 2, we finally find out what the mission of the UNMEI is! Over 50,000 words into it and we’re just now getting to the point. It’s been a bumpy ride, and trust me… it’s gonna get bumpier.

SIDENOTE: I’m taking my YA novel I’m With You on a virtual book tour later this month! Details HERE!

Writing Rewind #9: Wings of Fate Chapter 6

On the previous installment of Writing Rewind, Heiwa got into trouble with his superiors for spacing off during training aboard the UNMEI. Will he be able to get it together in this upcoming chapter? Nope! But will something dramatic and life-changing happen? Yes! Let’s dive into Wings of Fate Chapter 6: The Girl.

KEY/GUIDE:
Strikethrough = cut out
Highlight = rephrase/reword/awk
Blue highlight = minor additions
DANGER RED HIGHLIGHT= massive cringe
Green highlight – switch/move

First off…

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That first bit and the last bit aren’t awful, but that middle section…. dear GOD. The shame I currently feel is insurmountable.

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More of the usual. Reworking and cutting out. And removing that entire atrocity in the middle. It is an entire paragraph of unnecessary dithering and a pitiful attempt at humor, and it must be DESTROYED.

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There; the chapter is still being set up, but it isn’t bogged down by pointless blabbering. No gingerbread houses. I don’t even know why I put that in there in the first place, considering I hate gingerbread.

Next up…

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So, Heiwa has continued to get in trouble with his commanding officers because he can’t stop spacing off during training. Honestly, at this point, it’s a bit ridiculous that he can’t focus when the situation calls for him to pay attention. I actually agree with his superiors – he needs a good smack upside the head.

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Lots to cut and lots to rework! This is still kind of a “set up” portion of the chapter, recapping the difficulties and frustrations Heiwa is having, but it still doesn’t need to be so long, since the real “meat” of the chapter hasn’t happened yet.

So here is the result…

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There; the fat has been trimmed, and the passage still conveys Heiwa’s irritation and impatience, as well as the concern his friends have for him.

And now… the real adventure starts…

So, to set up this part, Heiwa is out “swabbing the deck” as a punishment for his behavior, when all of a sudden, something, or someone, falls out of the sky…

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Alright! Things are getting real! Real ridiculous, that is…

Anyhow, this portion of the story is where Heiwa’s dream of “adventure” starts to come true, but this set up and description of the mysterious girl is still mega tedious and needs to be adjusted.

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These character descriptions can be so much more succinct and far less clunky, nor do eye colors needs to be mentioned seventeen thousand times. It’s an introduction, not her life story.  So the usual rework/trim, plus a sentence needs to be moved to another point in the passage.

And here is the fixed version:

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There; we’ve introduced our new character and got a physical description that’s a bit less wordy, so it doesn’t detract from the actual point of the chapter, which is the mystery of the girl, not what she looks like.

Next…

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Okay; clearly this girl is going to be tied to Heiwa’s thirst for adventure, but I think the reader can put those pieces together without it being stated outright.

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Okay, so I want to punch myself in the face for using the phrase “cloudy gray yonder” to describe the sky. That is a thousand different kinds of terrible.

Otherwise, it’s more of the same. Awkwardness needs to be addressed and needless words and sentences must face the axe.

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There – the changes help to improve the flow of Heiwa and the girl’s first interaction with one another, and Heiwa’s not monologuing about fairytales and such, since the reader can understand that well enough by the circumstances. And “cloudy gray yonder” is GONE, NEVER TO RETURN!

For our next selection, Heiwa has named the girl “Shirotaka” and has decided to sneak her inside the UNMEI and keep her in his dorm with Daisuke! Because that’s a great idea.

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I mean, Heiwa’s poor decision making skills aside, this portion could use some sprucing up. It’s not as bad as some previous segments, though, which I consider a tiny, near-minuscule victory.

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Dare I say, since I only pinpointed a few major changes, this section shows minor signs of improvement? Nope, it’s definitely just a fluke. The usual issues with awkwardness and wordiness are still popping up and must be fixed.

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There; for some reason, Daisuke agrees to Heiwa’s ridiculous plan in a less awkward and wordy fashion.

Lastly, after successfully smuggling food to their dorm for Shirotaka and Heiwa;s first night sleeping on the floor of his room, our heroes get a surprise the following morning…

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Ah, yes… how could the boys forget about Inspection Day? Because the plot demanded them to, so we could fabricate some suspense!

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Really not much to do with this portion either, at least compared to previous selections. The cringe is at a minimum! What a nice way to close out this post… but obviously, it’s not perfect and still needs some tweaking. What would one of my old passages be without some awkwardness to fix?

So, here’s the fixed version…

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And there we have it! Chapter six is at a close, and a new character has been admitted to our ranks. Next time, we’ll meet some majors… both officers and problems, that is. Will our brave heroes be able to keep Shirotaka hidden during their inspection? Probably not! But will her presence on the UNMEI be a vital key to discovering the secrets of the mission? Who knows, but the next chapter is called, “A Mission Revealed,” so I’m thinking it’s probably a safe bet that Shirotaka is somehow involved.

ANNOUNCEMENT: I’m taking my YA novel I’m With You on a virtual book tour with RABT Book tours at the end of August! Info HERE.

Top 10 Game of Thrones Supporting Characters

In the spirit of the new GoT season, I’ll be posting random Game of Thrones based posts throughout the run of season 7. 

This list only includes characters/actors who have not yet been billed with “starring” status, instead earning either “Guest” or “Recurring” status. Strangely enough, most of my favorite characters are classified as supporting, with the exception of The Hound and Jon.

WARNING: This post contains major spoilers for all 7 seasons of Game of Thrones and all 5 ASOIAF books plus some speculation. 

All photo credit for this post goes to the Game of Thrones Wiki.

Beric_s6_infobox.jpgBeric DondarrionRichard Dormer
THE MAN HAS A FLAMING SWORD, WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE? In all seriousness, Beric’s fight scene with Sandor in season 3 is one of my all-time favorite moments on the show, and his resurrection afterwards gives me chills every time. Beric has had a pretty small role thus far, but whenever he’s onscreen, he delivers an engrossing performance, and ultimately, I think he’s a good fellow for Sandor to be around and even though Sandor would never admit it, I do think Beric (and Thoros) have already influenced his mentality. If not having Lady Stoneheart on the show means more Beric, I am 100% okay with it. His bromance with Thoros of Myr is also pretty fantastic, and as one of the leaders of the Brotherhood Without Banners, Beric wants to defend the realm from those who prey on the weak and bring justice to those who have evaded it, but is also aware of a “greater purpose” which has drawn him and his merry band northward. Of course, that awareness likely means he’s going to meet his demise (for real this time) but if he does, I hope he goes out swinging that flaming sword and taking a chunk of the army of the dead down with him. Also, Dormer’s voice is amazing. I could listen to him narrate books or ramble on about literally anything for days.

Jaqen.pngJaqen H’gharTom Wlaschiha
I’m not ranking him on this list just because Tom Wlaschiha is a fine specimen of a man, but also because he effectively conveyed two different GoT characters, taking on both the eloquent, yet enigmatic Jaqen H’ghar in season 2 and the more somber, unnamed Faceless Man in seasons 5 and 6 (at least, I don’t think they’re the same person, just the same “face.”) However, it’s his initial appearance as the deadly smooth assassin that I found more engaging. His peculiar, but alluring style of speech (Lorathi), suave smirk, and his interactions with Arya make him a major highlight of season 2. Plus, when you think about it, Jaqen and his mysterious ways is the one who sets Arya on the path toward vengeance… however, we have yet to see if that was ultimately a good path for her to take.

Syrio_Forel.pngSyrio Forel – Miltos Yeromelou
Syrio has very little screen time and has not been seen since season 1 (I’m not 100% convinced he’s dead in the books, but in the show it seems more likely) but his impact was immense, and he had significant influence on Arya that persists long after his final scene. Yeromelou didn’t fit the physical description of Syrio from the novels, but he totally owned the role and delivered one of the more meaningful performances in season 1, especially since his mentoring continued to affect Arya well into the series. He was a legend with a sword and a stick, and planted the seeds for Arya’s desire to be a “water dancer.” I attempt to use “Not today,” in my everyday vernacular, now.

Waif6x08.pngThe WaifFaye Marsay
The Waif might not be a “good guy” and clearly bears a grudge against Arya, but even though she’s a somewhat “gray” character, I found Marsay’s portrayal pretty fascinating and I enjoyed her as part of Arya’s story-line, especially since her inclusion gave Arya someone to butt heads with besides Faceless Jesus. In particular, her Terminator-style running and total badassery with the stick was impressive to watch, as was her total mercilessness when it came to carrying out orders or tasks. One standout scene that comes to mind is when she is teaching Arya how to play the “Game of Faces,” and, after she spins her pretty convincing sob story, she demands, “Was that the truth, or was it a lie?” The Waif is mysterious, and also kind of terrifying – and her last climactic showdown with Arya was a fitting culmination for Arya’s journey in Braavos.

Oberyn-Martell-house-martell-37118334-2832-4256Oberyn MartellPedro Pascal
I’ve mentioned it in my “Best Episodes” post, but Oberyn’s speech in Mockingbird is one of my favorite monologues in the entire series. Pascal absolutely killed it as Oberyn and the character was a major highlight of season 4, and he basically set the bar for the Dorne portion of the story, which, unfortunately, has floundered a bit ever since (I do like Ellaria, and I don’t think the Sand Snakes are/were that terrible) but I still carry fond memories of his portrayal, and always look forward to re-watching season 4 and witnessing Oberyn’s verbal ownage of Tywin and Cersei, his pledge to help Tyrion and avenge the loss of his sister, and even his final, gruesome moments… admittedly, I always have to look away before it gets too gross. He was a nice contrasting perspective and brought a unique presence to a series full of so much doom and gloom, and though he’s been gone nearly 3 seasons now, he is still sorely missed.

Olenna_season_6_a.jpgOlenna TyrellDiana Rigg
The aptly named “Queen of Thorns” and her scathing, witty banter are also worthy of the moniker “Queen of Sick Burns.” From her very first appearance in season 3, Olenna Tyrell steals just about every scene she’s in with her hilarious insults (mostly to Cersei) and shrewd behind-the-scenes scheming, steamrolling over her opposition with the sheer strength of her wit, wisdom, and killer verbal smack-downs. I’d love to quote a favorite line from her but there are simply TOO MANY, but her interactions with Varys, Tywin, and Sersei are certainly highlights. She also literally has a hand in committing regicide, and yet, she shows such fierce devotion to her family (well… except maybe Mace) I’d still love to have her as a grandma. I am so TERRIFIED that she is going to die this season because I don’t think I will be able to handle it, but if she does… I hope she goes out in “thorny” fashion and takes some folks down with her.

Season_6_hodor_main.jpgHodorKristian Nairn
I think Hodor’s character is a sure example of “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,” because I, like many other fans, was unraveled by his heartbreaking demise in the middle of season 6. For 5 seasons (6 technically, but his story-line was absent from season 5) Hodor has been Bran’s unfailing and uncomplaining companion, carrying Bran north toward his true purpose. He only ever had one line, but never said “Hodor” the same way twice – and Nairn was the absolute perfect actor for the role. He really put the “support” in “supporting character.” The “Hold the door!” revelation will go down as one of the saddest, and most heart-rending moments on the entire show, and even among all the major character deaths, Hodor’s was absolutely devastating; proof of how big of an impact his character had despite a relatively small role.

Aemonepisode5.pngMaester AemonPeter Vaughan
Though “Baelor” is a largely heartbreaking episode for a different reason altogether, the “Love vs Duty” scene between Jon and Maester Aemon where Aemon reveals his Targaryen heritage and how it felt to essentially lose his entire family is one of my favorite interactions across the entire series. Vaughan didn’t have a major role but he had a lasting impact, as he offered guidance to both Sam and Jon (and the Night’s Watch in general) that has had a profound effect on their character development. He had faith that Jon could be a great Lord Commander, casting the tie-breaking vote to put Jon in the position, and helped spark Sam’s interest in becoming a Maester. I got mega choked-up when Aemon died, uttering his heartbreaking last words of, “Egg… I dreamed that I was old!” and in his later seasons, I especially adored his interactions with Sams both big and little. It’s sad that his character never got to meet Dany, or know the truth about Jon’s heritage. And R.I.P. to Peter Vaughan – a marvelous actor who brought many great characters to life over his career, including Aemon Targaryen.

Barristan_Selmy_Sons_of_the_HarpyBarristan SelmyIan McElhinney 
Barristan Selmy’s dramatic (and wrongful) expulsion from the Kingsguard in season 1 is one of the earliest and most memorable badass moments from the show, especially when he tosses his sword at Joffrey’s feet and says, “Here, boy! Melt it down and add it to the others!” It’s just a glimpse of his legendary skill and proof of how revered he is within the realm, especially since Tywin later tells Cersei that dismissing him was “as insulting as it was stupid” and Jaime also comments on his ability (in the books he does, anyway). I was so pleased to see him again in season 3, aiding everyone’s favorite many-titled Dragon Queen on her quest to reclaim Westeros, and was so bummed out by his early demise in season 5. I’m not even that mad that they killed him, because the semantics of it make sense; they had to make more room for Tyrion to squeeze into Dany’s retinue and they have to pare down the cast as the episodes dwindle. It’s how they did it that bugged me. His death was an attempt at shock factor over quality, though the few brief moments we got to see Ian McElhinney’s sword skills were pretty glorious. However, the way his death was handled is one of the few complaints I’ve had over the entire series run, but I am glad they did bring him back after his dismissal from the Kingsguard instead of axing his story-line entirely.

Meera_Season_7.pngMeera ReedEllie Kendrick 
Honestly, I don’t think Meera gets nearly enough credit for what she’s done thus far in the series. She’s a fighter, but she isn’t emotionless or fearless; she’s struggled, but it hasn’t defeated her and she’s persisted in spite of the obstacles. She’s killed a White Walker and fended off the army of the dead. She had to mercy-kill her own brother to end his suffering and so she could carry out what he wanted her to, she had to witness Hodor’s dramatic end, she’s had to drag Bran through the snow and away from wights on a sled all by herself (her calves must be amazing by now) and she’s dedicated literal years of her life and essentially put her life on hold to journey north and live in a cave so Bran can become the Three-Eyed Raven. I think her exhaustion in the season 7 opener was a testament to everything she’s endured thus far, and I’m excited to see what happens to Meera’s character this season and next. Of all the characters who legitimately deserve a happy ending, Meera is definitely near the top of that list, and I also hope we get to meet her father, Howland, sometime in the next two seasons.

Writing Techniques: Multitasking

I’m going to admit this straight up; I cannot multitask. It is a persistent challenge for me.

I also don’t know how people can multitask. I’m not talking about multitasking in everyday life. Like, I can juggle laundry and chores with life stuff and all that…. on a good day, anyway. But I cannot do other things while I’m writing. Like, this is my screen right now:

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I’m watching a UK panel show while writing this blog post. As such, it is going to take me approximately 489 hours to finish this post, because I will inevitably watch something else after this video is done, which will reduce my writing pace to a crawl. And for maximum productivity, I have found that I cannot multitask like that if I want to accomplish anything.

I used to watch TV or Youtube or Netflix or whatever while I was editing or working on a manuscript, but I’ve come to realize that I can’t do that if I want to get things done. I end up paying too much attention to one thing and not enough to the other, and it flips back and forth and back and forth until it destroys my concentration. Even if I do manage to slog through an editing session while catching up on my stories, my attention is never focused 100% where it needs to be, which makes for less than satisfactory results. I can pop on some music to help fuel the inspiration; anything else and I’ll be working at a snail’s pace with frequent distractions. Some people might be able to multitask like that, or watch a movie while working on writing, but I cannot divide my attention in such a way and still produce my best work.

Multitasking by juggling multiple writing projects at the same time, however, is a different story – but still a challenge. Inspiration is fickle, and the well of ideas can run dry after being dipped into too often. For example, I currently have a primary project that is in the revising/pre-query stage, but there are times where I feel burnt out on it; like all my motivation is spent and I can’t muster the right level of attention needed to achieve my best work.

To combat this, I can’t throw myself into a massive new project – if I do that, I’ll get too focused on something new, and alas, I am not an octopus capable of extending eight limbs to divide my efforts in multiple directions. When motivation starts to fray, I either walk away for a bit to clear my head, or I’ll draft out some blog posts. Sometimes, to help encourage myself to return to that main project, I’ll jot down some freewrites about the characters to examine situations in a different way, especially when I hit a wall and don’t know which way to take a particular plotline. Sometimes I’ll re-imagine a scene from a different perspective, to gain new insight on characters and relationships. Occasionally, I’ll work on preliminary stages or snippets for a new project, but I won’t go too in-depth with it – just the framework, to try and get creative juices flowing again. It’s like being a spider with multiple webs, but more work is put into fortifying one web until it is complete, while the others come together at a different pace.

Even if I am juggling multiple projects at once, which is generally the case, the majority of my focus remains on one of those projects… the danger of multitasking can stretch my attention too thin, and have a negative impact on my writing. I do wonder how other writers deal with multitasking – it might be a challenge for me, and effortless for another. But I do know for sure that if I want to do my best, I need to put emphasis on focus, and must minimize potential distraction in any way possible.

SIDE NOTE: I’m taking my novel I’m With You on a virtual book tour via RABT book tours next month! Stay tuned for updates!

Writing Rewind #8: Wings of Fate Chapter 5

On our last Writing Rewind excursion, Heiwa and Daisuke discovered they were roommates and Heiwa took a tour of the UNMEI with Sergeant Kahler. Now, the real adventure is about to begin… with training! Will Heiwa’s first training session go off without a hitch? Probably not!

KEY/GUIDE:
Strikethrough = cut out
Highlight = rephrase/reword/awk
Blue highlight = minor additions
DANGER RED HIGHLIGHT= massive cringe

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Sigh. Again, the set up for the chapter doesn’t need to be so… tedious.

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Too much inner and outer dialogue, and can easily be rectified with some slicing and dicing. And the remains of the slicing must be reworked in order to flow better.

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There! Set up is effectively pared down and not such a drag. However, there should be a comma after “training” in Daisuke’s second bit of dialogue; didn’t notice that until now. Reading over things multiple times is important, folks. Clearly, I am a bad example.

Next up, Heiwa’s having a jolly old time as training starts under the supervision of Lieutenant Kurokawa and Colonel Berkmann… and by jolly, I mean miserable.

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*sharpening axe*

So clearly, our protag is having an awful time. But we don’t need to hear about it ad nauseum. Really.

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The usual changes are emphasized here; less talk, and more clarity.

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Much better! Though, really, I should scrap the ComBoards idea.., since tablets are a thing. But they weren’t a thing in 2005, so cut me some slack.

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Heiwa’s suffering at the hands of Colonel Berkmann goes on for like, 2 pages. So… that needs to be addressed. Because it definitely does not need to encompass 2 entire pages. I am not a sadist.

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I think even more could probably be chopped off here, but basically, we’ve got more of the same old, same old. Colonel Berkmann’s dialogue can be curbed and Heiwa’s self loathing can be slimmed.

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Much cleaner, still as mortifying for our hero, and nothing of note lost. I mean, not sure if “drop and give me fifty” is still a relevant punishment, but I’ll stand by it.

Next up, some more suffering for our dear hero, as Colonel Berkmann has pieced together who Heiwa’s father was…

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Blah, blah, blah… again, doesn’t need to be this long.

CHAPTER 5 P 4 CHANGES

Petition to never use “orbs” as a way to describe eyes ever again!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHH. I dread how often this is going to recur, though I know for certain it will rear its ugly head again…

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So, Heiwa’s suffering is much more concise, now! And Colonel Berkmann’s alleged “cruelty” remains intact.

After the disaster that is the first training session, Heiwa and Daisuke set off for lunch. Naturally, everyone is pissed at Heiwa for his behavior, but one lone wolf strays from the back to befriend them – a young woman named Robin. And they get to talking about the mysterious mission they are on…

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Repetitive and repetitive, said the New York Times…

CHAPTER 5 P 5 CHANGES

We know about Heiwa’s dreams already – it was discussed in the first couple of chapters. We know Heiwa wants adventure and he believes in myths and legends. That bit doesn’t need to be dredged up again and again in the same way; the reader knows it.

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Better – it illustrates the differences between Heiwa’s and Daisuke’s perspective, without beating the dead horse too much. Plus, some new info gets passed on thanks to our new character!

Last up,

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The foreshadowing doesn’t need to be so… prominent. It’s already been hinted at, but the point of a hint is to be subtle, and this passage is not subtle.

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Short and sweet is the key! Most of this segment can be hacked away…

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Dun dun dun! What could Dr. Black mean in this shorter, and much more effective section? WHO KNOWS? We won’t find out next time, I can tell you that much. But we will find out eventually!

Next time, Heiwa meets someone very, very interesting… someone who may hold the key to the adventure he longs for.

Worth 1000 Words #10: Reese

On a Wednesday night in 2007, I received a cryptic text message from my older sister while watching the latest episode of Lost. The message contained only one word.

Meow.

Some time later, I was dozing off on the couch when my sister returned home and deposited something furry onto my lap. I opened bleary eyes to see a small, mewling tortoise-shell kitten blinking at me.

That is how we came to own Reese. Technically, her full name is Reesie Lynn (my sister is to blame for that abomination of a moniker, we had exactly 0% input) but we have more or less only ever called her Reese. Sometimes, I call her Kit-Kat. Just to be contrary.

IMG_20170629_102725_202.jpgI think Cat People are Cat People for a reason. Cats are often thought of as fuzzy companions who don’t require constant attention; they’re adorable, not terribly messy, and can provide some warm, cuddly comfort on bad or rainy days. But Reese apparently has never read a single page of the “cat manual” because she doesn’t act like a standard cat at all; though Reese does provide ample fodder for my instagram, because she is cute, if nothing else. And if you think I can’t babble on and on about my cat for 1000 words, then think again!

Reese has never been much of a cuddle-buddy; the only time she ever feels like snuggling is at night, but only for about an hour before she gets bored, and she typically only solicits one person to cuddle with before departing back to the bowels of the basement so she can get the couch covered in fur. She loathes being picked up, and in order for us to trim her nails, I have to wait until she is asleep or groggy, then scoop her up when she is vulnerable – often, this results in being kicked in the chest/nose/throat when she inevitably rebels. She refuses to meet strangers, and I suspect some family members might not even know we have a cat, since she won’t show her face in the presence of visitors. My best friend house/cat-sits for us whenever we go away for any length of time, and during a 10 day absence, it took 4 days for Reese to be in the same room with her, and even then, she rubbed her head against my friend’s hand while hissing at her. So, claiming that Reese is fickle would be a drastic understatement. When I went away to college, it took several days during each school break to get her used to me again; I had to endure lots of dismissive tail swishing and scrambling away before she deemed me worthy of her good graces again.

She loves to sit outside on the enclosed patio and cackle at birds and bunnies, either because she wants to be their friend, or she wants to eat them, I’m not entirely sure. She greets me at the door every day when I get home from work or wherever, usually meowing her head off as she gets my black pants covered in her fur. I like to think that it’s because she misses me when I go away, but I’m fairly sure it’s because she’s just hungry. And boy, she’s perpetually hungry. She expects to be fed at around 5/6AM every morning, since there’s a couple of super early-risers in the family, so now, she’s accustomed to a schedule and there’s almost no chance of everyone being able to sleep in – not if Reese has anything to say about it. When she’s hungry, she is vocal. And then, even after breakfast, she expects snacks. Several of them. She also thinks she can trick us into feeding her more if she begs and whines at each person in the family, but fortunately, we are able to see through her ploys. It’s a wonder she isn’t shaped like a bowling ball with how much she tries to eat, though we’ve managed to regulate her diet well, despite her best efforts. Reese also loves to distract me while I’m trying to write; at the moment, she is sitting beside her food bowl and staring at me. She will not break me, though. I am steadfast – I can resist the food-mongering wiles of any cat, no matter how cute! Though, I must admit, she is especially “awwww”-worthy when she chases the laser-pointer around the living room.

A few months ago, I bought Reese a new bed; a nice quality one that I was able to snag at a great discount. Did she appreciate my generosity? NOPE, she actually prefers the comfort of a cardboard box, or a plastic bag laying on the floor. Her idea of a five star resort would be a kingdom of boxes and bags. We actually have fashioned a “cardboard apartment” of sorts for her to use, and she loves it. She’s a creature of simple comforts, I suppose… she did eventually warm up to her new bed, and it is now positioned on the floor beside my bed, so when she gets fed up with me, she has somewhere to escape to.

Reese is not a typical cat; but she’s my cat. She doesn’t like cuddles, but to be totally honest, neither do I, so it works out well. She’s an introvert, and can sometimes be downright obnoxious with her constant appealing for food, but she occasionally shows off her softer side. If I scratch behind her ears or she rolls over to let me pet her tummy, she might even deign to purr a bit, like a fuzzy motorboat. Sometimes, during her rare affectionate moments, she will rub against my legs, even when I’m trying to walk up the stairs… I refuse to believe it’s because she wants to trip me, though, sadly, that wouldn’t be much of a shock. I often suspect she’s the furry offspring of some feline version of Satan, but even if that’s true, she’s my furry offspring of Satan, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Writing Rewind #7: Wings of Fate Chapter 4 Part 2

Let us continue our slog through my decade-old manuscript! Our unlikely hero Heiwa has bid goodbye to his family and is now aboard the UNMEI, still hoping for his chance of a lifetime! Who will his roommate be? What are the rest of the commanding officers like? Let’s not tarry… it’s time to resume our ADVENTURE!

We’re picking up right where we left off, with Heiwa venturing to his room assignment.

KEY/GUIDE:
Strikethrough = cut out
Highlight = rephrase/reword/awk
Blue highlight = minor additions
DANGER RED HIGHLIGHT= massive cringe

ch4 p2 p1

*eye twitches* So much needless detail and suspense for literally the smallest thing. Heiwa discovering that his roommate is Daisuke should not take half a page.

ch4 p2 p1 changes

Ah, it’s axe time! My favorite time! Some of this dialogue also needs to be shaved down and reworked, as Heiwa and Daisuke don’t need to be saying the same thing a bajillion times. And that awful reference to Heiwa’s “jade eyes” is going in the trash heap.

ch4 p2 p1 fixed

Honestly, I could probably trim even more from the first paragraph, but this version still builds on Heiwa’s anxiety without going horrifically overboard. The dialogue is pared down, and cleaner. And let’s not mention the odds of Heiwa and Daisuke actually ending up as roommates… I took some liberties. Stranger things have happened.

Next up, we’ve got…

ch4 p2 p2

Alright, alright… there is no way that Heiwa and Daisuke would be permitted to just sit on their beds as the airship is taking off. That can’t be appropriate safety regulations in any instance.

But, along with that, there’s a myriad of other things to change! GOD, WHAT FUN!

ch4 p2 p2 changes

Trim, trim, trim, cut, cut cut, and tweak, tweak, tweak! There’s a lot of clunky wording to be reworked, and details to be changed.

Also, I’ve got a recurring issue with dialogue tags having a descriptive adverb , when a new word can just be used. So, “said excitedly” can become “crowed” or something similar, and it gets the same point across in a more effective way.

ch4 p2 p2 fixed

Ahhhhhh, much better! And boy howdy, I am going to get sick of changing the “V” in “von Schneider” to lower-case every single time it comes up, but it must be done. This is my penance.

So now, the safety regulations have been somewhat addressed, and the whole take-off process is condensed down into a more succinct passage.

For our next selection, let’s go to…

ch4 p2 p3

I’m not sure Sergeant Kahler got his point across well enough. He only said the same thing four times.

The main issue here is wordiness, per usual, so my proposed changes are…

ch4 p2 p3 changes

The last bit dwells too much on Heiwa’s thoughts on Dr. Black, just like Sergeant Kahler dwells too much on his threats in the first bit. Plus, the same issues that crop up again and again need to be fixed…

ch4 p2 p3 fixed.PNG

Much better! Shorter, sweeter, and to the point… er. I guess. Anyway, it’s shorter; that’s the main point.

Lastly…

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What a SHOCK!!!! There’s a female commanding officer!!!! God, so progressive. Anyhow, point is, the shock needs to be toned down, because it isn’t a huge deal in a futuristic scifi epic – it should be expected, or, at the very least, not a massive, jaw-dropping stunner. It shouldn’t even be a big surprise today, honestly.

Plus, lots of other things need to be amended.

ch4 p2 p4 changes

So much to fix… exhaustion setting in… we’re in the final stretch of this chapter, now. Must. Not. Give. Up.

Here are the changes in place!

ch4 p2 p4 fixed

Daisuke’s oohing and aahing is toned down a bit, the wordiness is rephrased, and some of the other dialogue is tweaked. Also, no red highlights this time! That doesn’t mean much, though… there’s still plenty of cringe here, just on a smaller scale.

Alright, so that wraps up chapter 4! Next time, we get to officially meet Colonel Berkmann, and Heiwa attempts to make a good first impression during training. Will Colonel Berkmann have some kind words for Heiwa? Probably not, but you never know! Stay tuned next time for Wings of Fate, Chapter 5: The Colonel’s Words.