Acceptance

A new entry for Old Poetry Friday, brought to you by Angsty Allie from 10th grade! No idea why I wrote this or if it was for an assignment or whatever, but enjoy!

 

“I don’t think that way…
You MUST be wrong.”
Must I?
I don’t know for sure.
But neither do you.
Stop acting like you do.
You don’t.

“I was wrong…
BUT still…I’m kinda right.”
Please.
Admit it.
It’s a dark, lonely world
for a closed mind.
Convinced they’ve figured it out.
And they’re the one who’s always right.
But fail to see how wrong they are.
How will you handle
being so alone?

“I’M going to do this…!”
“That’s awesome! I’m going to…”
“Yeah, well I’M gonna…!”
Is it a competition?
No.
If it is, you’re the only player.
The winner, like you always want.
But there can only be one winner.
Do you want to be that alone?
“I’m AMAZING…”
“I’m GREAT…”
“I’m AWESOME…”
I know.
“I’m AMAZING…”
“I’m GREAT…”
“I’m AWESOME…”
I still know.

“Jealous?” No.
“Ignorant?” Sometimes.
“Pitiable?” Never.

Don’t you dare  pity me
Because you think you’re superior
I don’t need pity from anyone
Not even you.
Feel free to assume
what my emotions are.
I doubt you’ll ever get it right.
Speculation from you
will always be just that.
Guesswork.
You’ll never ask.
So you’ll never know the answer.

Just shut up.
I don’t care about how much you ‘ROCK.’
I heard it the first seventy five million times you told me.
Enough is enough.
Because if you’re seeking validation from me,
Don’t.
Look in a mirror.
Accept that.

“You don’t look AT ALL like your sister.”
What’s with the disgusted face?
Is that some kind of indirect insult?
We’re different.
But it’s not skin-deep.
I guess you’ll never get to know the depth
of how wrong you are
since your waters are too shallow
for me to stand.

“I KNOW why you don’t want to have kids;
you don’t want them to wind up looking like you.”
No, actually.
You don’t know.
But good guess.
You were close.

“You can’t see it.”
“You’re just BLIND.”
Really? Am I?
Again, I don’t know.
I might never know.
But I would never call you that.
You’re not blind.
We just see different things.
But you can’t see that.

You tread the thin line
between certainty and thought.
Get on the better side.
Before your side gets the better of you.

I’m okay with that.
I’m a blind, ugly girl who doesn’t want to hear
your brilliant, numerous accomplishments.
Who would rather be herself than some carbon copy,
of another.
Okay.
Because I can look in a mirror right now
and see a face that isn’t mine.
Because I can already see the person,
reflected in the glass
who I hope I will become.
Do you disagree?
Too bad.
I’m willing to change.
I already am.
Can you?

History

Every year, on the weekend closest to the anniversary of D-Day, the Mid-Atlantic Air Museum in Reading, PA holds an event called World War II weekend. Folks can come to see real WWII planes take to the air and stroll through recreated military encampments, watch FDR and Churchill drive by in classic cars, peruse genuine artifacts, listen to veterans speak, and learn all sorts of intriguing tidbits about the WWII era.

My dad used to take my sister and me to this event for many years. He knows a lot about the planes and enjoyed teaching us about the differences between them and what they were used for. One year, we got to meet Robert K. Morgan the pilot of the Memphis Belle, and tour the plane itself. I was pretty young at the time, so I didn’t fully understand the significance of that interaction, but I’m glad I got to meet him and shake his hand, as he has since passed away. I garnered an intense appreciated for WWII air crafts, of which my favorite is the P-40 Warhawk.

Even though I’ve attended this event several times, it’s still fun to go every year. Occasionally, new planes enter the rotation as the museum acquires them.

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Of course, the most rewarding part of these events is seeing the planes take to the skies. Despite these planes being over 70 years old, many of them are still in flying condition. And it is absolutely incredible to watch. Though there are so many things to walk around and see, many people set up lawn chairs on the grass just to sit and watch the planes fly all day – though, if you ever do this, I recommend bringing lots of sunscreen, water, and maybe a sunhat and sunglasses.

Veterans of the Great War still attend these events – they engage curious children and talk about their experiences with anyone who stops to chat. Of course, there are less of these brave men and women now than ever, as all of them would be into their 90’s now. It’s an era that should never be forgotten, and events like this certainly help with that.

But this event is special because of the multi-generational quality – it’s encouraging to see young children take an interest in our nation’s history, and heartwarming to see grandchildren walking around with their grandparents, eagerly listening to them talk about the planes and such. It’s also insanely comforting to see any folks taking their elderly parents/grandparents around, making sure they get to see everything, taking care that they don’t get lost in the crowd, entertaining their questions and treating them with the utmost respect.

I am thankful that my father took me to the airshow when I was young, even if I didn’t fully appreciate the gravity of WWII as a child. Now that I can appreciate the history more, it’s like taking a stroll through history – and recognizing the greatness, and the sorrow that comes with it.

Take a Chance

Way back in 2008, I was sixteen years old and on vacation with my family in Massachusetts. My dad and I got into an argument over movies – he had already seen Iron Man, and insisted it was better than the film I had twice seen already, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. However, neither of us had seen the other film, so how could we make a determination?

My dad had no desire to see Prince Caspian, and, I’ll admit… I didn’t really want to see Iron Man. Shocking, I know, since I am such a huge fan of the MCU nowadays. But back then, I was way more into Batman, so most Marvel heroes weren’t even on my radar. But I wanted my dad to see the Narnia film more than I didn’t want to see Iron Man, so we brokered an agreement – he would take me to see Iron Man and I would take him to see Prince Caspian.

We went to see Iron Man first… and the first seeds of my MCU admiration were planted. I became a fan, and I had to admit that it was an excellent superhero film. Of course…The Dark Knight came out later that summer, which sparked my overall love of film, but Iron Man was still an awakening for me. I had to admit, even though I had previously felt no inclination toward seeing the film, I was glad my dad convinced me to see Iron Man. From that moment, I never doubted a Marvel film… well, except Thor 2.

Later, we went to see Prince Caspian. I was a bit worried that my dad wouldn’t enjoy it, because he had never expressed an interest in either the films or the books. But toward the end of the film, when the battle is taking place and the Narnian forces emerge from trap doors beneath the ground, my dad turned to me in the theater and said, “Awesome,” which proved my worries had been for naught. And once it was over, he admitted that he had enjoyed it quite a lot, and we bought the soundtrack to listen to in the car.

That summer, we both took a chance by going to see films outside of our typical realm of interest – and it paid off. And ever since, we have both recommended films to the other, and have taken those suggestions to heart, and we go to the movies together more often than ever before.

So next time you think a film might not be worth your time, go ahead and take chance. It just might work out for you.

Unusual Skills

You can know someone for decades, and still be surprised when they throw out seemingly random facts about themselves. Obscure little tidbits that don’t quite make it into “About Me” sections and convos because there is little opportunity to slide them in organically without sounding like you’re bragging. Well, I’m definitely not rife with such skills, but an example would be…

I have a history of turning bowling pins into art pieces for a competitive charity event. I have made a Jawa from Star Wars, and Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy. Here are a couple of pics. I also made a parrot once, but I can’t find any pictures of it.

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I’m proud of these, but I also don’t have much opportunity to mention it – though I can’t say I ever really look for a time to slip it into casual conversation. Sometimes, I even forget about it myself until I stumble across an old picture.

I also used to be on the global leaderboard for a facebook game called Night Balloons. I was obsessed with it for ages – now, I probably couldn’t play to save my life.

So, does anyone else have an unusual skill they’d like to brag about? Because I’d love to hear it!

Also, there will be a bonus post tomorrow!

Hope

As someone who works in the (n)ever-exciting, fast-paced realm of retail, I answer numerous customer questions every shift. These questions are often easy to answer, but occasionally, you get an adverse reaction. So, if a day is already going awry, I tend to regard approaching customers with a sense of dread looming over me.

During a stressful late shift last week, a little girl and her grandmother stopped me near the entrance of the store while I was the manager on duty. My specialties are more attuned to menswear, so I feared they would be asking me something about children’s clothing. But instead, the grandmother asked me if we had any scarves – not winter scarves, and preferably inexpensive, because the little girl needed if for a class presentation. She was going to be dressing up as someone she finds inspiring – her hero.

And the little girl, as if on cure, looked at me and said, “I’m dressing up like Malala Yousafzai.”

And I froze for a second. Because, really… that’s not the answer I was expecting. A little girl, with blue eyes and a blonde ponytail, living in a fairly conservative area, proudly declaring that her hero is Malala, and she needed the scarf to wear over her head. But as shocked as I was, once I took the time to absorb her words, one emotion overrode it.

Hope.

As chaotic as the world seems these days – a sort of discord and tension that can even be felt by children – this little girl made me hopeful that the next generation isn’t doomed to be lost. In a world where our leaders often fail to condemn hatred (and, in some cases, seem to condone it), and children can be easily swayed, hearing that little girl, over a decade younger than me, proclaim her admiration for Malala was inspiring. I did a similar project in sixth grade and I dressed up as Paul Revere, so this girl wiped the floor with me.

So I happily showed them our scarves, and when I passed them later on trying out a lovely blue floral one, I made sure to tell her that she looked great, and I hoped her presentation would go well. But though she thanked me for the compliment, I should have thanked her for showing me that there is hope to be found in the younger generation.

Game of Thrones: A Final Perspective

***WARNING! THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASONS 1-8 OF GAME OF THRONES AND THE ASOIAF BOOKS!***

I’ve defended some of Game of Thrones‘s more questionable or controversial decisions, or, at the very least, accepted them, even if I didn’t always understand them. Literature and television are different mediums, and translating one to the other is not always seamless. I appreciate the hard work that everyone – cast, crew, producers, everyone involved in the making of this series – put forth into turning a beloved book series into an epic genre-bending show that drew in millions of fans across the world. It built an enduring legacy, and has deserved the huge amount of awards and recognition it has earned across its run. This is obviously a show made with a huge amount of dedication and passion, and people have watched it so closely and loved it so dearly because of that.

That brings us to Season 8, which recently finished airing after a year and a half hiatus after season 7. The final season, where viewers learned the fates of their favorite characters and the identity of who would reign over Westeros from the fearsome Iron Throne. But now that it is over, and the dust has settled, there has been a massive amount of backlash from fans and critics. For the first time in the series, I agree with a large portion of it.

Do I think the ending sucked? No. But I was left wanting.

I’m not opposed to Daenerys as the “Mad Queen,” and the ultimate “villain” of the show. I’m not opposed to Jaime turning back to Cersei. I’m not opposed to Bran being elected king, and I’m not opposed to Sansa being made Queen in the North. In fact, I have very little issue with what was done this past season on Game of Thrones… my issues lie in how they happened. The root of that is in the pacing. And the writing.

Game of Thrones used to shine because of it’s subtle scenes – conversations between characters which may seem trivial at first, but convey motivation, emotion, and shed light on other plot points and decisions in a meaningful and often masterful way. Of course, much of this can be chalked up to the source material, the ASoIaF books by George R. R. Martin, but some – such as the conversation between Robert and Cersei in season 1, where the pair discuss their marriage – are a show-only invention. Those scenes – introspective scenes, scenes were characters let down their barriers, where we can really get into their thoughts and feelings and see into their development, have always been more vital to the show than cool battles and brilliant effects. Yes, those scenes are excellent too – the battle at the Blackwater and Battle of the Bastards are some of the most visually striking and powerful battle scenes ever seen on television. But scenes like Ygritte’s death carry more emotional weight because we saw the full development of her relationship with Jon, and we knew how she felt being betrayed by him, and how he felt knowing he would have to betray her. Scenes like the revelation of Jon’s parentage through Bran’s vision of Jon’s birth tugged at the viewer’s hearts because we knew how Jon felt about being a bastard, and we simultaneously come to realize how much Ned loved Lyanna – and Jon – to keep that secret for so long. The Red Wedding was shocking, but even that has a ton of build up, with Robb making error after error, paying the ultimate price to learn that love cannot always overcome oath breaking and losing the loyalty of your followers and that inexperience can be a fatal flaw. Cersei blowing up the Sept of Baelor has an incredible amount of multi-season build-up, with Cersei’s desperation and paranoia over Margaery and the High Sparrow culminating in one final explosive act, pushing her beyond redemption and causing her to lose her last beloved child.

I can think of several more examples from the earlier seasons, but overall, the small, intimate scenes are vital to the show’s success because they lead to larger scenes – such as those big battles or dramatic climaxes – having a more significant impact. Huge events often have a series of little events  building toward them at a balanced pace. And what season 8 (and 7, for that matter) lacks is those small moments. The result is rushed conclusions that bear less emotional weight, and payoff that feels both disappointing and underwhelming. Game of Thrones has always been so much more than dragons, occasionally gratuitous nudity, and grueling battles. It’s been about political sabotage, intricate human relationships, racism, the fallout of war, religion, and a multitude of other issues and subjects. But the final season feels superficial, falling short of she standards set by the GoT of seasons 1-4… even 1-6. 

In season 8, Jon – a man who has believed his whole life that he is a motherless bastard – learns that he is a Targaryen. Not only that, but he is the true, legitimate heir to the Iron Throne. In the same moment, he discovers his lover is also his aunt. And yet, other than a few shocked looks and some brooding expressions… do viewers really know how Jon feels about this bombshell? Sure, he continues to swear himself to Daenerys (though he discontinues their romance), and denies wanting the throne… but we never get into his head or dig into his emotions over the ordeal. How does he feel about Ned really being his uncle? How does he feel knowing that his true father is Rhaegar Targaryen and his history is linked to Robert’s Rebellion overall? What does he think of Lyanna? How does he feel about being related to Maester Aemon, who he so admired at the Wall? Just how devastated is he to lose his relationship with Daenerys? He went from thinking he was a lowly bastard to discovering he is basically the center of intense conflict, and the product of two noble houses. We never get immersed in his emotions the same way we have in previous seasons, and so, his character development over the season feels stunted. It made him seem like a distant shadow of himself – a ghost, if you will.

Cersei did nothing this season but lament the lack of elephants, sleep with Euron, and stare out of windows… oh, and die. We never get tapped into her thoughts or emotions at all. Lena Headey does a brilliant job with what she was given, but there is so little reflection on Cersei’s character it comes across that the show didn’t know what to do with her, and her death is lackluster. Viewers expected her to die this season, but when the fateful moment comes, there is nothing surprising, nothing to make the viewer feel for her, nothing to signify or emphasize Cersei’s arc across the seasons. It’s like she only existed in season 8 to be taken down, and that is a poor tribute to Cersei’s character, who fans have loved to hate since season 1. She peaked in season 6, when she blew up the Sept.

Daenerys’s descent into madness, her almost fated Targaryen fall from grace into paranoia, took place in basically half an episode. Sure, there are hints of it in previous episodes and seasons – her initial instincts toward violence only being curbed by her advisers, her family words and legacy being “Fire and Blood,” the losses of her closest allies and friends and her steadfast belief in her destiny as a “liberator” pushing her to the brink. It’s not as though there is no build up at all. It makes total narrative sense for her character to take the turn she does in “The Bells,” and I personally love the idea of Daenerys becoming the conqueror she used to imagine eradicating. But because the pace over the last two seasons basically warped into hyper-drive, the change in her character feels far too abrupt, even if the seeds had already been planted long before. I suspected it might happen, and yet, seeing it unfurl in a blaze of death and ashes felt far too sudden. And honestly, Daenerys (and Emilia Clarke’s portrayal) deserved better, and the backlash is completely justified. The twist lacks the depth of previous seasons – it’s a detonation instead of a slow burn. Audiences – especially those who do not delve quite as deeply into the theories and book lore – felt like they had the rug ripped out from beneath them.

Even more egregious (to me, anyway) is Jaime Lannister’s return to his sister and lover, Cersei. Again, it’s not totally unbelievable that this would happen… but Jaime has had seven seasons of redemption, of trying to shed the “Kingslayer” moniker and prove himself as a man of honor. He finally turns on Cersei “for good” in the season seven finale, to fight for the living and go north. But when that fight is done, he sleeps with Brienne, then leaves her once he hears that Cersei is in danger… all in a single episode. And then, in the next episode, he meets his fate first at the sword of Euron of all people (which… I’m not even going to go there) then dies embracing Cersei as the ceiling caves in around them. So, what do viewers take from that? That seven seasons of building up one of the most intriguing characters, with an arc that explored the roots of his actions and his struggles with how people perceive him and how he hoped to leave the shadow of his tainted legacy behind, meant nothing? Again, narratively, it’s not outside of the realm of possibility that Jaime would do this – but seeing his turn in character take less than one episode is so sudden, so abrupt, it fell completely flat and carried no emotional weight whatsoever. Jaime was one of my favorite characters, and I didn’t even care when he died. Sure he died in the arms of the woman he loved, as he said he wanted to. He and Cersei left the world as they came into it; together. The seeds were planted for his decision, but were given no time to flourish, and the presentation of it was way too rushed, which made his fate feel anticlimactic.

I could go on. For example, there’s no way the other six kingdoms would be totally fine with the North remaining independent, and many of the other Highborn lords likely wouldn’t approve unanimously of Bran being king, either. Is there still a need for the Night’s Watch, if the White Walkers are gone and the freefolk are content beyond the remains of the Wall? How could Icy Viserion take down the Wall but not that rock that Jon was hiding behind? How could Drogon single-wingedly take out Cersei’s forces, including the Iron fleet and the Golden Company, when one episode before, he had to flee a portion of Euron’s ships to avoid being killed? What was the Night King really after? Did the Night King ever really matter beyond being a little speedbump if he and his forces were defeated in a single episode, and the rest of the Realm never knew the true danger they were in? Where the fuck is Meera? Who gets Dragonstone? Why does it matter if Jon goes to the Wall if Grey Worm and the remainder of Dany’s forces are leaving, anyway? You might think these are trivial questions, and maybe that’s true… but they are questions that the show would have answered in previous seasons. Instead, the final two seasons were a race to the finish with no time to dwell on emotion or development, when the show used to truly thrive when it did take time to dwell on those things.

Of course, I assume many of these endings and storylines will unfold differently in the books. There are more characters and situations involved in GRRM’s story than the show was able to portray without alienating the casual viewers, such as the fAegon arc, Victarion’s plot, and the schemes of Doran and the Sand Snakes. And if some of these points raised in the GoT finale remain in the intended book ending – such as Daenerys torching King’s Landing – I believe they will have much more development, and won’t feel unwarranted or unjustified. Readers will see character growth and motivation more clearly. I’m only sad that the version we got on the show lacked the intricacy of the previous seasons and the books, the little moments that made Game of Thrones so powerful and made the characters easier to connect with.

If fans out there loved the final season, then that’s great – and I hope that many folks did love the finale. There are parts of season 8 that I thought were amazing – Cleganebowl was excellent, and Drogon nudging at Daenerys after she was stabbed broke my heart. I will still watch the entire series over and over again, and there are so many elements that I have admired consistently over the years. I went to the Game of Thrones Live Concert Experience back in 2017. I have a lot of merch, and will continue to wear my GoT shirts and such with pride. I don’t hate the show just because I found fault with the finale, and I don’t think those faults negate the incredible impact that GoT has had on the fantasy world. I just wish we had been given two full seasons to close it out – a little more time, and a little more depth, would have gone a long way.

Current Tunes #5

AKMU – How People Move
Since my trek to the Blackpink concert earlier this month, my interest in K-pop has reignited a bit. I only just discovered this brother-sister duo, and I am obsessed with them. They have such a unique style and sound that is incredibly pleasant to listen to. This particular song, an upbeat, jazzy number, is easily my favorite. If you are intrigued by the intimidating world of K-pop, but aren’t a fan of “standard” pop music in general, AKMU might be the best place to start.

Blackpink – As if It’s Your Last
Aaaand speaking of K-pop, I’ve been on a Blackpink kick ever since attending their concert at the Prudential Center. This song is my hands-down favorite. It gives me “magical girl” vibes, if that makes any sense – it’s kind of like a classic anime opening, with a more modern twist in the rapping parts.

Chloe x Halle – Wolf at Your Door
This selection comes from the album “For the Throne,” which features songs inspired by Game of Thrones. It’s my favorite song on the album, mixing R&B with lyrics reminiscent of favorite characters and scenes from the series. I love the sound of this one the most, though I do have a few of the other tracks from the album on my recent playlist as well. If you’re mourning the end of the show, give this song – and the rest of the album – a listen.

Raleigh Ritchie – Time in a Tree
Aaaand speaking of Game of Thrones, Grey Worm – or Jacob Anderson, also known as Raleigh Ritchie – is a recording artist! I’ve liked a lot of his previous work, and his lyrics always convey a powerful message to make the listener think. In this song, I especially like the refrain, but also “I get wound up, from the ground up / And I don’t know why / Turn the sound up, drown the noise out / Swallow, don’t cry / Got an anxious heart, and it’s stone made / Can’t take paper or heartbreak.” He’s great – if you haven’t listened to him before, give this song a listen!

A Perfect Circle – So Long, and Thanks for All The Fish
Who doesn’t love a topical rock song that references what is afflicting society during this day and age? I sure do. And this one is super catchy. Worth listening to just for the lyrics.

Utada Hikaru – Don’t Think Twice
This song serves as the English theme for the long-awaited Kingdom Hearts III, released this past January for the PS4. The predecessors of this song – Simple and Clean, and Sanctuary, the themes for Kingdom Hearts I and IIrespectively – pop up in my playlists now and again, but this one is a new addition that is frequently played. It might mean more to me as a fan of the series, because it makes me think of the game when I listen to it…. but also Utada is queen.

Zac Efron and Zendaya – Rewrite the Stars
I am not on the The Greatest Showman bandwagon. Haven’t seen it, and don’t plan to – though I love all of the actors in it. But I gotta say, the soundtrack is a banger. I’ve only recently listened to the soundtrack in depth, and I adore this song the most. Gotta love the whole “star-crossed lovers, but we can’t be together because society hates it” angle. It works, and this song sounds beautiful and has a crazy good replay factor. Also, I love Zendaya.

(My Game of Thrones season 8 post will be on Monday!)

In Disguise

I recently left my old gym in favor of a new one, and have been making an effort to eat better. I’m in decent shape, but would like to lose a couple of pounds and improve my strength. All about that self improvement, folks.

And then, as I was hitting my stride, I got struck with a stomach virus that rendered me almost completely immobile, during a week where we had surprise extra shipments at work while also being severely short-handed. People kept a wide berth around me in the office and I had to wear a heating pad around my neck while on the floor.

Needless to say… it was a bad time. But I did lose a couple of pounds.

I also wasn’t able to drink coffee for a couple of days, because the very scent of coffee made my stomach churn. After I started feeling better, I kept the trend going. I haven’t had coffee since Tuesday, which is a new record for me. And I actually feel… good?

So maybe, sometimes, bad situations can be a blessing in disguise.

UPDATE: Not an hour after I finished drafting this post, the stomach bug returned with a sudden and violent vehemence and brought a horrible migraine with it.

So… I take it back. No blessings here, in disguise or otherwise.

And I am totally drinking coffee tomorrow.

(My Game of Thrones Season 8 post will either be this Friday or next Monday, depending on how fast I can finish it. I have a lot to say, but want to give the dust time to settle and my mind time to chill a bit.)

Graduation

Graduation season is upon us once again. Caps flying through the air, tassels waving to and fro, and young minds full of dreams ready to take on the world.

I faced both graduations – high school and college – with a measured mix of trepidation and excitement. Eagerness for the next chapter, and fear for what lies in store… yet somewhere in the midst of it, hope to find the courage to endure it all.

Yesterday, I had a different sort of mini graduation – but it carried the same emotional weight as a graduation from a big university.

I completed an eight month run of behavior-focused therapy. That’s not to say that I’m done with it forever, but I have put forth my most life-complicating issues, and was aided by a professional in finding the skills and tools needed to handle those issues effectively and productively.

I was advised to take the route by my doctor, who was hesitant to give me a particular prescription without me showing a willingness to put forth the effort to make improvements on my own. Kudos to him, really. Because prescriptions may help, but not if people use them as a solution instead of an aid. But anyway…

It’s hard to admit that you need help. It can feel like failure, at times. But I am happy that I did so.

What I’ve gleaned from these sessions is that sometimes, it seems impossible to tackle roadblocks on your own, but with outside perspective and some useful skills, they can be toppled. And learning to cope makes it easier to move forward.

I’m not going to give a laundry list of the issues I needed to address, but one of them was that I had developed some obsessive checking behaviors (triple checking things were unplugged before leaving the house, triple checking that I had put down the garage door, etc.) which were occasionally causing blows to my punctuality, and being able to discuss that with my behaviorist has been an incredible help.

We dove into the “why” part of the issue, figured out what those behaviors stem from, and she asked me to come up with a plan for limiting, if not eradicating those behaviors. And now, after a few months, I only check everything once and can leave the house confidently.

Of course, that’s only one thing we worked on. I was fearful going into it, and it was hard to admit to needing help, but I appreciated having someone take a look at my damaging behaviors and not only not judge me for them, but encourage me to find the root of the issue and assist in planning out a course of action. I now feel equipped to handle new issues as they arise, and not let fear inhibit me from chasing success.

I had my last session yesterday, and left the office feeling like I had graduated. No cap, no gown. I’m not “fixed” or “cured” but I feel better. Lighter. More confident. I needed help, and I got it, but also was encouraged to find ways to help myself. And if I need help again, I no longer dread seeking it.

Simple

The first whiff of coffee in the morning.

A new book on a rainy day.

Fleece-lined leggings in winter.

Singing a song you love at the top of your lungs.

Popcorn at the movies.

Hitting snooze on your alarm and not having to actually get up.

Finishing a really strenuous workout.

Finding out your favorite movie is on TV and you have time to watch it.

A stranger complimenting your outfit.

Beating the hardest boss in a video game.

When a bill is less expensive than you expected.

Catching a beautiful sunset or sunrise.

Lazy afternoons with a fuzzy blanket and a latte.

Unexpected praise.

Getting a new haircut.

Browsing various homegoods stores, despite not needing to buy anything.

The smell of fresh spring flowers.

Collapsing into bed after a long, arduous day.

When your favorite song comes on the radio.

Bagels. Fresh bagels.

Winning at cards. Especially Uno.

Sitting at the fireplace on a cold night.

Making somebody else laugh with a lame pun.

The smell of new books. Alternatively, the smell of old books.

Getting a long-awaited email.

When somebody understands your obscure references.

The scent of freshly-cut grass.

When your favorite sports team wins.