The Choices We Make

I have technically been an adult for 9 years, but in many ways, I feel like I’m not quite there. I sometimes forget that I am the master of my own destiny, the bearer of my own burdens, the navigator on my own stretch of road, and I determine the path, and how to handle the obstacles that arise. I can go out, buy a whole cake, and eat it all by myself if I feel like it, with no one but my conscience to stop me.

I’ve wanted a Nintendo Switch for a while now, and planned to buy one next month. Thanks to an employee special at work, I would be able to get one for a great price. And then, come November, I’d be playing Pokemon Shield, and making my way across the Galar region. And there would be a lot of Mario Kart, and maybe some Let’s Go Eevee! until then. Plus, I could play online with my two best friends – Mario Party is great fun when the three of us play together.

But I had my car inspection this week on my beloved Nissan, Vice. It has been a long while since I’ve needed anything done to it – I usually breeze through inspection with maybe a couple of tweaks, nothing major. So it was time, and $337 later, my wallet was a bit thinner than I would like it to be – and I’m looking at new tires in the near-ish future. Which won’t come cheap.

And so, I had a moment of clarity – that the choices we make can reflect where we are in our lives, and our values. I have bailed on plans because I don’t have the funds, but have also spent money on things that aren’t necessities. No matter how badly I want that Switch, it is going to have to wait until my Nissan has some new tires, even if I miss my initial chance to become the champion of the Galar League. So, I must be an adult for now… but eventually, play time will come around again.

 

Nightmares

When I was a kid, I occasionally had nightmares – as I’m sure most folks have had at some point in their lives. These typically consisted of scenarios I was actually afraid of, like falling from a great height, encountering a shark in the depths of the ocean, being locked in a small, dark room with no way out, coming face to face with some awful monster, the occasional homicidal clown, etc, etc. Sometimes they featured creatures with salivating fangs and razor-sharp claws, or fantastically horrific scenarios that would never occur in real life. Lately, I haven’t been able to sleep very well due to a series of bad dreams, but these are of a different nature than the ones I had when I was a child. Regardless, these “nightmares” still make me wake up breathless and in a cold sweat.

Most of these not-so-nice dreams have been about things such as:

*Being late to school, then being unable to find a parking space while I’m there.
*Not getting off at the correct bus stop or train stop, then getting lost.
*Forgetting to do my homework and then showing up empty-handed to class.
*Not being able to locate a classroom before the late bell.
*Not being able to find clean pants to wear to work.
*Going to the movies only to find that someone has taken my seat and won’t move.
*Going to the movies and missing the previews or part of the movie because it took too long to get my concessions.
*Waking up late for work because my alarm clock malfunctioned.
*Finding out, prior to leaving for a long trip, that none of my electronics have been charged.
*Finding out that someone ate all my cereal (this is arguable the worst one).

Also, last night, I had a dream that an acquaintance of mine was showing me their extensive, rare Hot Wheel collection and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t leave. So, there’s that.

Ultimately, which is more terrifying? The nightmares that portray something unrealistic, but which gnaw at deeply-rooted fears, or those that are far more feasible? Monsters and demons may spur true terror, but smaller, more grounded situations that could occur in real life also incite true fear, simply because they are those everyday issues that can happen, that are easily believable.

Is this what “bad dreams” in adulthood are like? I don’t know when this switch occurred – when monsters and sharks became alarm clock malfunctions, missing cereal, or dying phone batteries. Maybe when we become adults, it’s the small things that make us sweat the most – even those that are long since part of the past, such as missing homework assignments. Being late to an appointment or work is a worse concern than falling from a great height because of the increased likelihood of one happening over the other.

So, is it possible to determine which is worse? I’m not sure – it probably varies by person. But tonight, if I’m going to have a nightmare, I’d almost rather have the sharks.

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If you’re in need of a new read, check out my YA novel, I’m With You! The ebook is only $1.99 or (£1.55) and paperback is $9.99 (£7.99) on Amazon Amazon UK.  Nook book is also $1.99 and paperback is $9.99 on BN.com.